Mama's Boy

“But, Mom, this is my last summer”—not a particularly good excuse for getting out of stuff I didn’t want to do. It just brought on an “Aww, poor baby, now get your butt off the couch!” — ‘An Einganeer's Tale’, page 18

The U.S. Education Department reports that the high school graduation rate is at an all-time high of 80 percent. Isn’t that great? Why are we thinking about eliminating the Department of Education? Problem is, while 4 of 5 high school seniors receive a diploma, less than half of them are able to proficiently read or complete math problems.

So what’s the problem? Teacher issues (underpaid, over worked, unionized, poor administration, maintaining discipline, poor morale)? Social issues (cell phones and technology, bullying, race and gender, gangs and clicks)? Parent issues (lack of involvement, unrealistic expectations, poor nurturing, too busy)? All these issues have likely contributed in some degree to the education woes we are having today — and though eliminating the Department of Education may have some effect (positive or negative), I doubt it will solve all, if any of, these problems.

My wife taught preschool for 14 years, so I do have some understanding of the teacher issues. And I certainly do sympathize with the social pressures kids today must deal with. Parent issues though, are what I would like to share a few thoughts on.

I’m as guilty as anyone else of my generation as far as parenting is concerned. Lack of involvement, unrealistic expectations, poor nurturing, too busy — yeah, I’m sure there were times I was guilty of all of these, as were my parents. But the most important thing a parent can do, something that has little to actually do with education, something that has been sorely lacking since the “awakening” of the sixties, something that my mother saw as her sole purpose in life, was just “being there”.

I was a Mama’s Boy. My mother didn’t have a high school diploma. She didn’t help me much with homework, or get involved in school things, or ask much about how things were at school. But she did teach me how to behave, how to be respectful, and how to know what’s right and what’s wrong. It’s hard to describe, but our relationship was a oneness that gave me confidence. That propelled me to succeed. That encouraged me to make the most of every opportunity that came my way. Although she didn’t know much about what I was doing, she taught me how to do it.

My mother did have other aspirations — to get a job of her own, to sing, to paint. But before the “awakening”, those aspirations were secondary to just being a stay at home mom.

In 1996, Hilary Clinton said raising kids “takes a village.” Society had changed to rely too much on that village, and continues to. Now, when things don’t go right, people are all too quick to blame “the village”, rather than personally accept responsibility. And “the village” is all to quick to accept the responsibility, supply reasons for the problems, and thus let kids off the hook.

My mother raised me to not expect “the village” to give me anything. It had given her nothing. When things didn’t go right, all I could do was blame my parents, and I did. But that didn’t do any good. They’d only make it clear to me that it was my problem, and up to me to do something about it.

Those pre-”awakening” times are never coming back. I cannot fault all the advancements, achievements, and freedoms that the “awakening” has brought society, and we are probably better off because of it. But one of the consequences is that there are now fewer Mama’s Boys.